you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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