I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize