Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
