Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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