We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
No subtext here. People are naked.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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