Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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