you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
