she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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