It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
