nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
