The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
