Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
