I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
This house was built for laser tag.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
