Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
