u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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