So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
