i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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