you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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