I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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