so explain again why im purple
no
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
