I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Bring me that man meat
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
