I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
