I heard we made out
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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