I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
