Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
