I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
