how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
