If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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