Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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