tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
