i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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