Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
