Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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