Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
