They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
