Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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