so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
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I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
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So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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