Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
