I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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