I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
