When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
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my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
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You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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