He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i need some magic done to my vagina
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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