It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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