the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
