Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
