Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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