How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
