he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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