She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
