I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
