ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
