then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
