Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So apparently I’m into choking now
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
