He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
