"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
