Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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