Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
