Dual....:-)
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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