Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
