i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
