There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
