every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
How does it feel to date your dad?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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