Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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