i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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