I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
