Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
