There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
